A while back I (again) read the story of Martha doing, and Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus. But this time a question popped up: "Do you not think that Mary would have jumped up to do whatever Jesus asked her to do the moment He asked her to do it?" And I knew that she would have. She loved Him. She would have done anything for Him. And she would have done it with joy (unlike Martha complaining about all the things that she "had to do").
I ended my quiet time that morning with the prayer: "I want to stay a Mary, one that sits at your feet, living loved but ever ready to follow where you lead"
The next morning, in that space between sleep and waking up, another question was planted. I knew that it was linked to Martha and Mary. In the dark I quickly wrote the question down at the back of my journal and then went back to sleep.
A week later, not feeling on top of the world, I asked God to shine His light and truth into the dark places and reveal to me the secrets of my troubled heart. Without thinking about it, I turned to the back of my journal. And there was the question that I wrote down in the dark, a week ago...
"Can you just enjoy being around God, without wanting to DO something FOR HIM?"
...and at the moment of reading this I realised that this was also the thought that was going through my mind just as I was turning to the back of my journal. (The Spirit wanted to make sure I get this one)
Can I just enjoy being around God without wanting to do something for Him? I had to answer no. That was exactly my struggle. I was in a space of not being able to just BE with Him. Because I was ever ready to do, I wasn't enjoying the relationship. I turned into a Marthy (And a bunch of the being-ever-ready was about me but I will share more about that in another blog posting) I just prayed that God will again bring me to a place where I am not focused on what I can do for Him, but where I'm able to JUST BE with Him...
Love you Father!